Fat Boy Is Back

By: Steven | September 14th, 2009

What.The.Fuck. In only three games, Walter Zenga has turned a talented and eager team into Chievo. Not winning against Bari is unacceptable. Not losing to Bari thanks to a last minute equalizer gets you fired. I have a very strong feeling that Zampa was ready to pull the trigger yesterday, and Zenga only survived by suffering a (fake?) drop of his blood pressure. Hell, if I was working onder Capt’n Crazy and just delivered that kind of result, I’d fake a serious illness too.

I don’t like the way things are going these days. Zenga keeps relying on players that clearly would have problems getting a starting spot in Serie B. Balzaretti has to run down the entire left flank because Bresciano goes Splinter Cell from time to time, Davide Succi couldn’t hit a house with an eighteen wheeler and playing Cesare Bovo in central defense is like letting your 16-year old daughter go to a rave in stay-up nylons, miniskirt, killer heels and a tube-top three sizes too small: not a very good decision.

Another thing I wanted to talk about. One of our former compatriots came over here, complaining we are too hard on some of our players. The guy did forget to mention that for every player we bash, another player gets an awful lot of praise. If you don’t put in any effort, I don’t see why I should spare you in my comments. If you don’t like it, don’t read it.

Five Lessons Learned:

1. Mark Bresciano is not Serie A material.
2. Igor Budan is no longer fat, nor slow.
3. Cesare Bovo needs to be replaced by one of those Romanians asap.
4. We should’ve bought Jean-François Gillet over the summer.
5. Zenga will not see November.

Pagelle:

RUBINHO: 6.5. Best game in pink so far. Could do nothing about the 0-1, but did keep us in the game.
BALZARETTI: 7. This game would’ve been a train wreck without him covering the entire left flank. -0.5 for taking another unnecessary yellow.
CASSANI: 5.5. Granted Allegretti the 0-1, was lucky not to do it twice.
KJAER: 6. Not fantastic, but doesn’t have anyone to count on when he misses an interception. Put another solid central defender next to him.
BOVO: 4.5. Can we sell him to Torino? Didn’t put in a good pass all day and was constantly flirting with a red card.
NOCERINO: 6.5. Another solid game from TrampStamp. Can keep possession (unlike last year) and is doing great carrying the team as a Hummus-replacement.
BLASI: 6.5. Did better than expected, well-earned applause substitution.
BRESCIANO: 3. It ends here. Zenga will disagree, but it should end here. Another disgrace.
PASTORE: 7. Works well with Nocerino. Should have scored his first goal in rosanero and should be less selfish, but another great game.
BUDAN: 8. Worked hard, scored a nice goal and is determined to fight for a starting spot.
MICCOLI: 6.5. The Little Man couldn’t do much, but should’ve been better in front of Gillet.
CAVANI: 5.5. The other side of Cavani. Looks like he’s having a hard time loading up for smaller teams.
SIMPLICIO: 6. Nothing special. Didn’t fuck up, which is strange.
SUCCI: 5. Missed a great opportunity, waste of human flesh.

All. Zenga: 6. Terrible pitch, PK not given: there are things that could make his case. But Bari should’ve always been beaten with a 2 goal difference.

Giornata 3’s Androberto Guarraciolo Award:

Mark Bresciano. Hang up your boots, boy.

Impressions: